its been months since i accessed this site since my home internet doesn't want to open this site and finally got accessed again...i really wanted to post some stuff but lately i haven't got much time. if ever i could sneak into the computer i'll post some photographs i caught and some short stories that i've finished...

i'm on my last straw. i can't take it anymore with my parent's bugging me about me all the time about you. more worse is that you poisoned their minds and my siblings too. they take pity on you rather than me, maybe i'm wrong but i can't stand your presence any longer. your a thorn on my spine. if you read this or not i don't care. you took away my plans for my future. you destroyed every piece of it especially my being.

why i loathe you so much is this:
1. you told me to follow my parent's plan for me and shut my mouth up about me against their ideas.
2. because i stupidly followed it, i became their puppet of ideals and even go as far to manipulate my anger and laughter.
3. because of it i ended upin the course that i hated and never dreamed of having a future with it.
4. because of your presence my relationship with my parents worsen.
5. because of it i want to be as far away from them as possible which i would hate the idea the most.
6. because of it one of my closest sibling lost her pride of me being her role model which i later known when she told me about it losing it.
7. i am now called an idiot by my parents (their idea in intelligence is your intelligent as long as your good in academics)
8. because of my relationship with my parents, i can't confide my troubles to them because they only talk about how pitiful you are. i am in deep emotional pain as ever and i'm thinking i couldn't control my feelings any longer especially the part when you can't confide to your family when they are already siding somebody and closedtheir ears to hear yours.
9.my parents invited you not me. don't think highly of yourself if you thought i invited you. and because you're there they would force me to talk to you even though i hated it and told me that i must look happy when i talk to you. (it's my personal life, i'm already 21 don't go bugging me to talk to you.)

maybe you are pitiful or maybe not but i don't care. if my plan fails i'll rid myself from existence next year at May 25.
my plan goes like this and i will not rid myself next year if i already accomplished one.
1. should graduate safely and no interference of you between studies.
2. don't come even if my parent's invites you. you make my mind explode with headaches of problem and anger that i felt my blood boil while i do things i hated doing with you.
3. still keep bugging me, i'll leave my parents house and buy myself a place to live away from them. come and i think i'm going nuts. (this part i wouldn't do but force to if things really worsen)
i'm sorry i can't be your friend forever. being with you is a pain.

RULES: List ten things that are interesting about your art and put it into your journal. Then choose 6 other deviants to tag so they can do this too. Put them into the journal and inform them that they've been tagged.

1.) This is the first site I've shown my artworks

2.) I really notice I make morbid and sort of scary stories.

3.) Before and up til now I'm still into Anne Rice and my most favorite is the "Interview with the Vampire."
and because of that some people told me that it's as if Anne Rice wrote it. (wrong impression it's just that we have the same theme that's all)

4. I do some scary poems but it isn't enough...it has to be more scarier than that

5.) Most perspective drawings here are coming from my plates (activity or project) from some subjects.

6.) I've attempted to make happy poems but it isn't me...there's something missing if I make one

7.) I'm having a hard time making stories and poems into my own dialect (Tagalog)

8.) If ever I make poems in my own dialect...they're kinda not good...

9.) Most of my perspectives are kinda inspired to japanese art though I don't feel it.

10.) Hai! I'm already done...can't write these kind of stuffs anymore...


I tag:

I wanna have some cameos...too bad I can't go to the place and what's more is that I can't go late at my house today since I have a duty at the church...sabi daw mura pa eh....I wish I have one...

thanks to them...I have lessen to like my course.

Crap, I have been put to blame again.
Blaming me from my 5 years in college.
Blaming me I've failed my subject.
Did they see my efforts...NO!!!
I"m already down as a matter of fact.
All they care is that I have to graduate earlier so that my father's expenditure be lessen.
Crap, this darned life. I wasn't allowed to go out. What about my preparation for the thesis?

I really hate it bringing it up that I failed and failed all over again.

My mom told my siblings that if they don't improved their studies they will not enter college for a while.

Then she explained all the expenditures and finally brought me up to the topic...

Did they see I've tried hard in entering this course? Did they see I'm trying hard to make it 4 years in college that's why I've wanted to graduate early? Did they know I kept asking to anybody that if I still have a chance to graduate in 4 years? Did they know that it would be diffucult for me if I force myself to do that?I've followed what they told me to do not entering journalism or literature. Did they see I'm good at the subject I've failed...

NO!!! all they see is that I failed. They even agreed with the professor that I deserve to fail.

Fail when as a matter of fact this subject is easy for me because it's history and I'm that good in history in my high school darn them...

That's what you get when you fail...making you embarrassed...being the sample of NOT to be followed. I hate it here. All they said is improve, try harder and do your best...did they see I'm forcing myself to do better and be better?

Be like your intelligent sister here and tell things that would expressingly mean that I'm dumb. Well I guess they're right I'm dumb... Is it dumb that I new trivial matters in history...know how to read ancient Grecian writings and heiroglyphs and their history that some thought I'm a Greek or an Egyptian or that because they are NOT TOO important to be into studies...

It's because her and her. I hate it. I force myself into their mess and this is what they do.

Actually from the very start of my third year high school it's already ruined.

Did I tell them? No because I always think for their sake. Did they think mine? No, they always thought I'm doing it for myself...Did I confront my ideas? No because I let them be. Did I do what I always like. No, because I let them decide. I hate being not in control and this is what I've got. No sympathy. They look at me like some rutted animal. When I finally kept holding into one thing they ruined it. They want me to dropped it. I feel so useless and wasted...my head hurts a lot. Did I cry? No because this time tears are just some useless instrument and they will call you darn loser for that.

It's their fault why I won't cry because all they think is their sake or my relatives sake...When I was in third year high school and it was summer...my mom's relatives came and I can't give them a smile because of pressure of my third year and when I thought I could finally rest she sent me to summer for the preparation for the entrance exams.

I was so tired that I can't smile and my relatives think of it as unpleasant and wanted to go back immediately...my mom confront me and told me about it and forced me to smile...I cried because my relatives too didn't understand what was in my place and that's when I decided not to cry anymore...